andromeda black (![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} androm) wrote,@ 2009-08-31 02:16:00 |
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025
What a crap birthday. I'm a Black, get me out of here.
I miss my mother and father.
I miss my Ted.
I miss my daughter when she was first here.
I miss so many things it is so hard to pick just one.This place is complete bollocks.
Private to Adrian
Forgive me for being an awful friend. I was wondering if perhaps you would like to meet up and catch up on things?
[Added in later]
Father seems to have appeared on the ship. My heart has sunk so far that I do not know if I even wish to try and retrieve it. My mother told him what I'd done. He was furious. I always knew he would be, but this is so much different than I could have imagined. How could I ever hurt these people the way I do? Tey are my family, and while there was never an overabundance of hugs and kisses, there was some sort of strange and twisted love and respect.
I feel like a complete failure. And now I have more people around to remind me that my shortcomings are nothing to be proud of. I miss when Tonks was here the first time. We were friendly, and I cared for her.
A part of me wants to be so mad at her for getting herself killed. And Ted too. I know they did not go out and ask to be killed, but the future is so muddled. What is worse, I feel terrible for not wanting to get to know my daughter again. I knew her once, and she disappeared. She is back now and she is just so different.
Then of course there is Ted, who... I simply do not know what to make of him. We're married when he comes from, he got me pregnant. How could I be so stupid? How could I allow myself to get pregnant and get married. There were spells to prevent that sort of thing. besides that, I don't even know what to do with him. It just seems we are always fighting. Admittedly, I pick the most fights, and I start them because I am just so stubborn. Still. I cannot be sure if what he wants is to just pick up where he left off or not. I can't do that. I have no lived our first everything.
I do not want to lose my family. I just don't. I'm a Black, and that means something to me. The ring I wear with the family crest, it means something. I may not always like it, and I may think my family is.... I have no words for them, really. I am not like them, but that is all I know to be. And if I am not Andromeda Black, then who am I?
I miss so many things it is so hard to pick just one.
Private to Adrian
Forgive me for being an awful friend. I was wondering if perhaps you would like to meet up and catch up on things?
[Added in later]
Father seems to have appeared on the ship. My heart has sunk so far that I do not know if I even wish to try and retrieve it. My mother told him what I'd done. He was furious. I always knew he would be, but this is so much different than I could have imagined. How could I ever hurt these people the way I do? Tey are my family, and while there was never an overabundance of hugs and kisses, there was some sort of strange and twisted love and respect.
I feel like a complete failure. And now I have more people around to remind me that my shortcomings are nothing to be proud of. I miss when Tonks was here the first time. We were friendly, and I cared for her.
A part of me wants to be so mad at her for getting herself killed. And Ted too. I know they did not go out and ask to be killed, but the future is so muddled. What is worse, I feel terrible for not wanting to get to know my daughter again. I knew her once, and she disappeared. She is back now and she is just so different.
Then of course there is Ted, who... I simply do not know what to make of him. We're married when he comes from, he got me pregnant. How could I be so stupid? How could I allow myself to get pregnant and get married. There were spells to prevent that sort of thing. besides that, I don't even know what to do with him. It just seems we are always fighting. Admittedly, I pick the most fights, and I start them because I am just so stubborn. Still. I cannot be sure if what he wants is to just pick up where he left off or not. I can't do that. I have no lived our first everything.
I do not want to lose my family. I just don't. I'm a Black, and that means something to me. The ring I wear with the family crest, it means something. I may not always like it, and I may think my family is.... I have no words for them, really. I am not like them, but that is all I know to be. And if I am not Andromeda Black, then who am I?